Monday, August 22, 2011

Campaign Finance

Sorry about the conspicuous absence. I've been busy helping to form a couple of PACs to help me fundraise for the campaign. I've been taking notes from President Obama and the GOP field on how PACs work, but I'm not as creative with names, so here's what we've rustled up so far:

THE "For a million dollars, I will do anything, ANYTHING, for you after I get elected. Anything." PAC
--Big Oil, anything on Wall Street, certain dictators funneling money through other channels, and everyone else in the top 0.5% of the wealth distribution

THE "I'm giving away petty favors and some pork barrel legislation if you give me somewhere between 10 to 300 thousand dollars" PAC.
--Pretty much everyone else in the top 1%. Maybe top 5%, but those people are probably just getting some crappy appointment to be the Ambassador to Djibouti...

THE "for everyone else who gives me less than a thousand bucks who thinks I'll actually listen to any of their interests once I get elected" PAC
--This would be you.

THE "Donors who are Anonymous to everyone else, but not Anonymous to me" PAC.
--This just sounded pretentious enough that I thought those people who gave me money in the first two might give me a bit more.

THE "Thank Goodness for Citizens United" PAC.
--Rupert Murdoch. And some other people, but they also donated to the Anonymous one. Pay to play, people.

THE "Stop any legislation or lobbying that prevents us from making these awesome PACs that kill Democracy by moving power to those who have buttloads of money, like that one from Stephen Colbert" PAC

Now, in choosing a PAC, I recommend you spread it around, not just between my PACs, but between candidates. You just want to make sure you can get your favors.

Pay to play, people. Pay to play.

Obligatory mugshot!


  1. Well played Liam. Well played. What do I get for donating to the under $1000 one? A few stickers? How much for the photo with you in front of the flag that I can show all the people I want to impress when you're elected? That's all I really want.

  2. You get a complimentary baby button, and the honor of being on our mailing list so we can spam you in perpetuity. Doesn't political activism feel great?