Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Raise the Roof

I apologize for the absence. Campaigning through Alabama, Tennesee, and Eastern North Carolina left me without internet access and in serious need of a diaper change.

A few of my constituents (I'm looking at you Michael Monroe), have asked me to address the current debt crisis. I've had a few observations in recent days.

First, I watched my dad go through page after page of loan counseling so droll and boring that I wet myself, fell asleep, and dreamed I was still wetting myself, just because it was more entertaining than watching that drivel. The one thing of note is that, if my dad fails to repay these loans due to anything other than complete disability or death, the federal government, I kid you not, threatens to come after him with the full force of the law. It's in there. In black and white.

This leads me to my first questions:
Do members of government, specifically in Congress and the White House, have to read this crap?
No way, Jose, because if they did, they'd never become politicians. Even those lesser lifeforms would rather pee themselves to sleep than read loan counseling, constantly selecting all of the above or true for every 'quiz' question.

Who will either seriously maim, kill, or come after the government with their full might if the government fails to repay their loans?
I'm looking at China, no one, or God. China's screwed if they try this (along with the rest of the world) and God's reckoning won't happen until this doesn't matter anymore, so I'm looking at no one.

Second story. My parents decided that their parents had paid enough taxes that they could sign me up for Medicaid. Woohoo. Now, this got me to thinking about the social safety net, specifically welfare.

If a family on welfare started working, receiving a decent-sized income, much less an exorbitant one, their welfare benefits would be cut off, right? Maybe the GOP can answer that one?

Once they stopped screaming about welfare in general, not having paid attention to the whole statement, they would heartily agree that those former freeloaders would get the boot.

Aren't subsidies and tax breaks essentially welfare for corporations?

GOP? I can't hear you. You'll have to speak up.

Oh wait, I'm running for your nomination! I meant, don't corporations making millions to billions of profits need our help in order to survive and to keep from fleeing the country? I'm pissed off they don't get more help from the state! The state should just run them and give them all their money!

Sorry, I got off track for a second. Government hands off my medicare! Last time, I swear.

I don't have any more stories to tell for now, but I will say this:

The Republicans did the right thing by making debt and spending an issue. That is why we need opposition in government, because otherwise it gets unbalanced. But we shouldn't tip the scales the other way.

Complete intransigence and lack of compromise on a deal in order to raise the debt ceiling is just childish. I'll avoid a baby joke here.

As far as a plan moving forward:

- End the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan
- Reform Social Security (retirement age, benefits indices, etc.)
- Reform military spending (veterans insurance, in particular)
- Close corporate tax breaks, end corporate and agricultural subsidies, simplify the tax code (new brackets are arguable)
- Cut pork spending. If states need something, they can raise the revenue themselves. Local government is smaller government is, hopefully, more efficient government.
- Campaign finance reform and electoral change (you may say wtf does this have to do with the debt ceiling, but I'll address this soon).

And, on a closing note, something that I do feel particularly strong about as a baby, change Medicare.

To all you old people out there, yes, you who vote and are going senile (great combo). I'm a baby. You're on your last legs. Yes, you deserve to be comfortable. Yes, you deserve health care. But to an extent. Preventative care to me, is a basic human right if we can provide it. Extending life for a month at the cost of thousands of dollars is not. No death panels, but no exorbitant health care packages. I may sound heartless, but everyone moves on. Your retirement creates more jobs. Your peaceful passage from life creates more room for the rising generations.

I am not dying the future.

PS: Sorry about the lack of pictures and only two videos. I wrote this at 2 am and my parents kept wanting to put me back to bed.

1 comment:

  1. UNNNNNGH, loan counseling. AND since I got married since I filled out my FAFSA, I have to bring in our tax returns. You've no idea how hard this seemingly simple feat has been for me.